Unsent Emails to George R.R. Martin: A Game of Thrones Fan’s Time Capsule

A recent rewatch of the already long-concluded HBO series "Game of Thrones" reignited my affinity for it. It also reminded me of my previously composed—yet tragically left unsent— email ruminations for George R.R. Martin, which until today languished in the "drafts" folder of my heart.

(For you nitpickers, YES, perhaps some of this is better aimed at David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, but just shhh for the sake of a joke.)

Subject: Therapy Bills & Emotional Damages

Dear Mr. Martin,

Do you have a preferred method of reimbursement for therapy expenses incurred after the Red Wedding? Also, should I expect similar financial burdens after the next book, or should I start contributing to an HSA now?

Asking for my fragile heart.

Sincerely,

A Traumatized Fan

Subject: The White Walkers and Their Choices

Dear George,

Did the white walkers ever have upper management or leadership meetings?

How did they decide on the shapes in which to arrange all of those body limbs? (And by the way, did the shapes ever symbolize anything...or was it always randomly constructed based on the supervisor working the ground shift that day?)

The walkers made a lot of...interesting...choices. Like, why did they choose Craster's offspring to outfit their army? Were there not any other, less problematic babies in the North to shortlist for the cause? What about Mole's Town?

Yours truly,

A Maester of Overthinking

Subject: Brienne Deserves Better, and So Do We

Dear Esteemed Wordsmith,

I just need to know—on a scale of 1 to “I will shatter your soul,” how painful should we expect Brienne’s fate to be? Please be honest, so I can emotionally prepare.

Also—get real with me for a second: Why couldn't you just do Tormund a solid and let him and Brienne hookup? He would have treated her much better than Jaime, who up and left her to go back to his same old ways in the end. ("Alexa: Please play 'Get Him Back!' by Olivia Rodrigo.")

Anyway, just asking that you do something right by our girl, ok? We love her.

Ever in awe,

A Concerned Citizen of Westeros

Subject: Dragons and Magic – An Inquiry

Dear Sir George,

First of all, incredible work on making me feel an unreasonable emotional attachment to fictional dragons. Secondly, can you confirm if any dragon eggs are still lingering about?

I know Khaleesi supposedly got the last three remaining eggs, but come on. There’s bound to be more eggs hidden in crypts, caves, and ancient dwellings somewhere, right?

Maybe Tyrion finds one? That guy deserves a dragon for everything he's been through. Give him a dragon.

Eternally your subject,

A Knight of Sensible Requests

Subject: The OLD?? Red Woman

Dear George,

So...just found out that the red woman is not really as young and beautiful as we were all led to believe. Ha! What a fun reveal. Well played, Sir.

Just curious though, has anyone ever caught her out of her "disguise?" What if she oversleeps in her chambers and someone barrels in through the door before she's had a chance to put that spellbound cuff thing on her neck? Does she have the ability to erase their memory M.I.B. style?

Yours always,

Rachel R. from Dallas

Subject: About That Winter Thing

Dear George,

Not to be that guy, but, um… Winter is STILL coming. Any updates? I’ve seen multiple winters come and go in real life while waiting for The Winds of Winter, and I’m starting to suspect that Westeros might actually be stuck in an eternal autumn. Are you trapped in a time loop? Should we send help? Please confirm receipt.

Yours anxiously,

A Loyal but Slightly Unstable Fan